i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
