literally had 100 drinks last night.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
