So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
