dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My balls are so social today.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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