i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize