Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
