I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
