I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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