i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
