Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
