I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
