God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I think im going to throw up on grandma
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
