Kareoke will never be a sober sport
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
