Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize