I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
