I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
