My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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