I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
there is glitter all over my balls
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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