We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
