My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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