respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I think I sprained my soul last night
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
