just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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