I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
