This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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