Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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