We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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