I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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