Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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