I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
