when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
