I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
