you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
