i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
third nipple confirmed
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
