This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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