then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
