My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
