Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize