I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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