Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He literally asked permission to hit on me
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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