Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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