I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize