im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
