let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
