I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
