i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
