Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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