john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
