best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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