You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
