My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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