Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
