When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You smell like stripper and shame
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
