New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
she peed on how many people?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
