what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
