i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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