only you would photoshop your dick
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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