Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
