Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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