season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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