gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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