I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
