Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
