I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
