I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
