you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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