i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize