her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
