ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
