If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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